Man what a sight. Hickory’s Clown Car showed up at 6:25’ish and there was a sea of cars already there. That got ole CE’s blood pumping a bit. Lots of flags planted. Plenty of F3 shirts on dudes. Speaking of F3 shirts, it’s apparently time for me to Cut the Stink out of my red Ram shirt that I sported this am. Tooth Fairy made mention of some pre-workout funk on the way to South Caldwell. It didn’t take long to figure out that I was the guilty party.
By the time I made it around the circle to say hellos, it was time to get started. Now yall know I’m not a proud man. For whatever reason, I sometimes get me a case of the mental freeze and that’s what happened at the start of the workout. No disclaimer given, didn’t ask if there were any FNG’s (there was one, but in my defense I believe that he showed up late and would have missed the unmentioned disclaimer anyway). We just started exercises. I could hear lots of mumblechatter. That makes me prouder than a game rooster (enter Josey Wales quote).
Warmups:
Side Straddle Hops
Humptys
Jane Fondas
Merkins
Monkey Humpers
Mosey to the extra large parking lot. Plank for the six.
1 merkin per parking space; down and back. According to my counts there were ~36 spots up and ~36 back. It was brought to my attention by several pax that by moving from spot to spot and completing one merkin we were basically doing a burpee. They were correct. C Ed had not taken that into consideration, but you can rest assured that that’s duly noted in his annals of backblastery for next time. Plank for the six.
Then comes one of the best team building exercises of all time: the group squats. If I get flattened by a truck or become disabled and can never post again, please let this exercise be my legacy. We look like complete idiots while doing it and it makes so many of you uncomfortable it just warms my heart to see us do these. Thank you for humoring me for 5 of these in cadence.
Call for all to Partner Up. This massing hulk of a dude named Horns came up to me and said “I need a partner”. I agreed to be his and simultaneously eliminated any ideas of a partner carry that I had previously planned. Now I know how Taz and HBC feel when they have to ask for booster seats on date night.
Not sure what these are called, but next exercise was 30 seconds per partner, P1 lies on his back, grabs P2’s ankles and does leg lifts while P2 pushes his feet down.
Time for each team to grab a block. Leave it at the top of the hill. P1 does 10 block burpees and P2 does hand release merkins AMRAP and flip flop when P1 is done. 2nd round is 8 blockees, and star jumps at the bottom. 3rd round is 6 blockees/star jumps. 4th: 4 blockees/star jumps. 5th: 2/star jumps. Plank for the six.
Mosey to the football field. P1 takes off w/ block. P2 does 5 jump squats and sprints off after P1 to grab the block from him and switch. I’m not sure what Horns heard but that dude took off like a bat out of Hades. I had to pretty much tackle him to get the block away from him. Then he disappeared. The rest of you pax looked really sharp out there. Well most of yall did. Plank for the six.
Nextercise was a Tunnel of Love race. Split up into 2 equal teams and the first to the finish line wins by only doing 5 burpees. Loser does 10 burpees. My team lost. I don’t blame anyone in particular for our loss, but dang Kleenex is slower than pond water. Anyway, we’ll get them next time.
Mosey to the stadium steps. Box jumps for each step to the top x 3.
Line up at the end zone. Lunge walk to the 50 yard line: every 10 yards drop and give me 10 plank jacks. Once you get to the 50, sprint to the other end zone. Plank for the six.
Lastercise: crawl bears. Still my favorite one to hate. Up the hill, then mosey back to take your blocks back and mosey to the flags.
Announcements
WOD: Courage
The men that wrote the Declaration of Independence had courage, the men that were on the Lewis and Clark expedition had courage coming out of their ears, you had courage to post this am instead of fartsack, our FNG definitely had courage to stand in the middle of 52 strangers and get a goofy nickname….which is awesome by the way.
Always a pleasure to see you guys. You inspire me to be better and I am grateful for all that you and F3 stand for. Thanks for letting this old man lead you!
Public/private notes to self:
- 5 3 ! ! ! Shut the front door man. That is a testament to how awesome our region is. Seeing men from Lenoir, Granite, Mount, Conover, Taylorsville, Bethlehem, and Hickory did my heart good.
- This also tells C Ed that a centralized location is pretty important to getting big numbers. Location, location, location.
- For those that didn’t post, you were missed
- Come again next time, will you?
- Seriously, how tall is Horns? Dude is like a body double for The Mountain on Game of Thrones
- I’m a body double for Paul Blart, Mall Cop
- I had about 2 hours worth of exercises. We were supposed to do an exercise per parking lot lane. There were 4 more to do. Would have been: squat per lane, sprints, plank jack/lane, and star jump/lane. I’ll save that for next Q up there.
- also was going to do a lunging indian run as we ran around those 5 lanes.
- Several of you chose not to just Plank for the Six, but Pick up the Six. That’s next level F3’ing right there. Also made me prouder than a game rooster to see that.
- We’re guessing that the men of Lenoir went to the Northbound Bojimmies instead of the Southbound BoJ’s that we hit up.
- Hope yall also didn’t have to put up with a pending birthday party at yours
- Lots of comments about how dirty we all got after the Tunnel of Love. I’ve said before but that’s what I remember most about my earlier experiences with Expresso workouts. It was bad enough so that I would have to get naked before I came inside my house so I wouldn’t track all that dirt inside.
- Can you imagine what my poor neighbors would have done if they saw my pasty self peeling clothes off while they were sipping on some java?
- Now I just naked outside anyway
- You’re welcome, Powder’s M
- That’ll do it. Out people!
Cousin Eddie
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