Return of the Mortimer

It’s go time Mother Scratchers.  If you are lucky enough to make the cut, you need to know the rules:

1:  You should just stay home

2:  You’re not wanted

3:  You might die

4:  This relay is so good, it may shut the world down again.  

Race Committee doesn’t have pity for your little narrow ass.  Race Committee is not professionals.  Hell we’re not even sure if that last sentence is grammatically correct or not, the last thing you should do is trust us with your life.  But if you do AND you die, roll your van into a ditch (like RC almost did during a 2020 recon mission), get bit by a dog, catch the Covi, roll an ankle, got lost, contract VD from a local, and/or anything else that’s harmful to your existence don’t come crying to us.  We told you not to join us.  We’re just a bunch of idiots that like to do stupid things.  It’s not like you’re paying us anything anyway, so good luck with that refund.  This is a race made by assholes for assholes.  If that sounds harsh, perhaps your better off staying home so you can draw dinosaurs or unicorns on Strava.  Speaking of P200 Unicorns….nah.  Not even going to start on those clowns.    

Routes/legs will be released soon.  For now, send an email to: mortimer100relay@gmail.com with your Hard Commit for a spot at the start line.  We’ll keep you updated.  Capacity is very limited.  Not because we don’t want everyone to see this awesome area in western NC, but because there simply isn’t much room.  When you send your email, please share w/ us your team name, number of participants, and F3 region.  We’ll collect more info later.   

Quick Details:

Start:  3/20/21*

First wave starts at 00:00:01

Starts will be staggered.  Come hang with RC before if you’re feeling good about yourself and need a little ego bruising.  

*ruckers will start 3/19/21

Full team:  6

Ultra: 3

Balls Deep:  Less than 3  

Yes, ruckers are welcome.  I mean, who else is going to carry my sammitiches up the mountain? 

Start location:  Tater Hole/Granite Falls….most likely.  

Finish:  Howard’s Knob, Boone (definitely)

Cost:  $0.00**

** Yeah you read that right, this sombitch is free.  Each team is required to donate a minimum of $1,000.00 to a charity of their choice.  Honor system here people.  And if you say you did and didn’t, may all of your future underwear be filled with razor blades and 80 grit sandpaper.

Couple of pre-answered questions here:

• Yes, there are dogs on the course.  
• No, they aren’t used to seeing people with a full set of teeth
• Yes, they are mostly of the All Bark No Bite variety but you still may want to watch your six.
• Dear RC, I am really passionate about collecting rubber tomahawks, candy apples, Florida license plates, & excuses to wear my $500 fur boots while shopping for rubber tomahawks & candy apples.  
  • RC:  Is there any other reason to visit Boone? 
    • (I kid, I kid.  But not really.  Sometimes I go for the apple butter too) 
• Dear RC, what if it rains?  
  • RC:  HTFU
• Dear RC, what if it’s cold?
  • RC:  HTFU & bust out your mock turtleneck set
• No, you won’t have cell reception for the middle portion of the race.  Bring a map just in case.  
• Dear RC, what if I can’t read a map?
  • RC:  We can’t fix stoopid.  
• Your standard relay van is not recommended.  Wilson Creek has some rough roads that experience washout frequently.  Go w/ a large SUV instead.  
• Is there really more elevation gain than last year?  Same distance?   
  • RC:  Correct.  Roughly 13,790.  Last year was 12,730.  Distance is still just over 100 miles.
• When will you release course legs?
  • Soon as I leave your moms house.  
• Are chicks welcome?  
  • Yes, say that reminds me, RC needs to send your moms an invite.
• Will there be a shirt? 
  • Yes, we’ll release the order for your HTFU shirt through Mudgear

Can’t wait.