Post BRR thoughts

After completing Smoky Mtn Relay in 2017, I wrote a backblast that thoroughly denounced Blue Ridge Relay as a complete red headed step child of relay races.  One that should be shunned.  BRR should be treated as a Ginger in a crowd of normal people, if you will.  Maybe I’ve gotten soft in those past 18 or so months, but I think my opinion has changed for the better, if only slightly for my regard to BRR.

You know what’s really affected my opinion about BRR?  Everyone else’s opinion of BRR.  This doesn’t happen very often either.  In fact, I tend to shun all opinions that aren’t YHC’s.  Sorry, it’s just how I’m wired.  I can’t help that all of yall are a bunch of mo-rons with useless grey matter between your ears.  But this time, I think I need to make an exception.

BRR also earned my respect by kicking the absolute shit out of me.  Literally too.  I’ll try to get around to sharing that detail in a bit.  For those that were around in 2016, you may recall Abraham’s requests to put together a BRR team falling on deaf ears for a long time.  Well, YHC was the first one to finally cave and HC.  Abe rewarded me by giving me the easiest leg assignment.  Or at least that’s what he told me.  It might have had more to do with the fact that he didn’t want me to suck all over his other legs* that actually required a decent runner.  And sure enough I managed to suck those legs real good* and lay down a 10:00/mile or so pace.  After I finished I remember thinking ‘that wasn’t so bad’*.  Turns out, I just didn’t run any hard legs.

Back to perception, when I saw that F3 teams from all over God’s green earth converge to this little part of the country for this relay, it really speaks volumes for BRR.  There were teams from New Orleans, Carterico**, softies from Charlotte, Greensboro, the hippies from Asheville even fielded a team, there was a team of walkers….I mean ruckers.  People really get pumped up about BRR and I feel like your boy here completely took it for granted.  If the Marine Corps Mud Run is the Super Bowl of F3, BRR is the World Cup of F3.  Except there’s less flopping.

Don’t get me wrong, SMR truly is significantly better than BRR in every category ‘cept one:  Participation.  I don’t feel the need to try and explain the ‘why’ part of this you’ll just have to trust me and run that one for yourself.  Really, stop reading this and tell HBC that you’re in for SMR this spring and come back to finish reading this garbage.

Did you HC yet?  What the hell, do it!  Come on!!

Good job.  You can thank me later.

Ok now where was I?  Seriously, why did I start writing this?  Was this supposed to be a BB for my BRR experience?  I think so.  Let’s see how this goes.

Thang:  Blue Ridge Relay

Who:  F3 Run HKY

When:  Last week, 10:30 start time

Conditions:  Hot.  Humid.  SP put it best:  It was surface of the sun hot.  Hotter than 2 squirrels making sweet sweet love in a wool sock hot.

Your boy had Legs 1, 13, and 25.  This was a completely different experience.  Starting out of the chute for the team.  Best part about that is that I’ll also the first one to finish up w/ my legs.

Quick thoughts on my legs:

1:  Downhill all the way.  4’ish miles.  Harder than it sounds*.  It was faster than I thought*.  I didn’t wear a shirt*.  I tagged Powder*.  Ok, sorry couldn’t help myself*.  1 Roadkill

13:  Uphill as a mo fo.  9+ miles, 1000ft of elevation.  This one was on the parkway and vans aren’t allowed to follow you, so I was solo w/out any support for about 6 miles.  This sucker gassed me good.  Beautiful run.  Too dark for views, but still a very cool route.  Liked this a lot.  3 roadkills.  One of those RKs ended up running with me for the entirety of the Parkway portion.  It was nice to have a little buddy along the way.  Didn’t catch his name, but I call him Frenchie.  Frenchie if you’re out there and reading this: holla at your boy.  Not sure if he was actually French or not, but he definitely wasn’t from Allegheny County.  Also ran w/ a chick for a while.  She originally passed me (so I got ‘chicked’ as some would say) but got turned around and I caught up with her.  Her name was Big Stinky.  Although she was only about 4 feet tall, she smelled like Billy Goat’s Gruff when she passed me.  It’s very likely that the reason I didn’t let her pass me the 2nd time was so I didn’t have to smell her.  Big Stinky if you’re out there and reading this:  Holla at your boy.  This one finished right past downtown Blowing Rock and the Speckled Trout which was pretty cool.  Still hot.  Shirtless?  Hugh Damn Right.

25:  Felt fairly decent out, but still had to bust out the gun show for this one.  Shirtless:  that’s right boys 3 for 3 legs sans shirt.  Start time was about 4:00 am so I had to wear a dang reflective vest thing again.  The one I had really accentuated my nips though*.  3 roadkills.  This one wasn’t too bad.  Steep hill to finish and it was hard* but mainly b/c I was completely lacking sleep and my pipes were 100% rattled.  4’ish miles.  Legs are shot.  Pass it on to Powder and I’m out.  No mas.

Now I gets to chill and watch my boys tear off like bats outta hell on their legs.  It was a good show.  In no particular order, here are some superlatives:

• best ass:  Jordache
• most cow bell:  Publix
• says “Dude” at every other word:  Steam Engine
• looks most like he’s running with a hair-sweater on even though he’s shirtless:  Beaker
• most human like performance by a Cyborg:  Herniator
• most references to Logjammers: Billy Jean (logjammerforlife)
• looks like he is in agonizing pain while running:  Phlegm
• closest call to shitting pants without shitting pants:  Cousin Eddie
• pants ended up looking like they got shat in anyway:  Cousin Eddie
• handed out 6 of the coolest shirts ever to his 12 teammates…wait whut?:  Short Sale
• Woke up Cousin Eddie the most:  Powder
• most resembled a cooked lobster while running:  Suppository
• Hated their nickname the most:  Dead Beat

Other random stuff:

• it was hot.  Really really hot.
• people have zero regard for trying to let your boy sleep at Exchange Zones
• it took approximately 0.4 legs completed before there was absolute nakedness on our team
  • and it wasn’t even me
• I was already 1/2 naked
• Hey Jack! team has been renamed to:  Hey Jack Me Hoff
• Phlegm saved a dude’s life.  This is no joke.  Incredibly scary stuff out there.
  • Always have a doctor on your team or in both vans if you can swing it.
• I’ve never been more sore in my whole life than after BRR
• this was my 3rd relay for the year.  I’m cashed out.  2019 is going to be a bit less relay heavy.  I think.  TBD.
• Still kinda curious about that Gomr race
  • But not enough to try it.  Gots other plans in the works.
    • Sorry Head Gomr.  No sorry.
      • Dude mocked us on the twitters and expected us to cave to his terrible junk talking and sign up for his race.
        • I have a nice big ole Bag of D_____ for you buddy
• Proud to know all of you crazy runners
• There’s a pax out there that argues that we should use our spending papers and go on a golf trip instead of torture ourselves.  My reply:  we can play golf in diapers and use carts to get around.  Until then, I’m running in stupid races.
• See you on the road

Out,
C ED

*TWSS

**Is Carterico really the best name you guys could come up with?  Sounds like a character from a movie about East LA.